A post for myself.

Was raining out there, was unable to see any raindrop out into the window, it is 9.35 pm  now, I can clearly listen to how irregular is the sound made by raindrops crushing themselves into the ceramic tiles below. This rain made me thinking, leaving me pondering, trying to make up my mind to know exactly what am I really thinking, or rather what to think. I like to think, contemplate, thinking of what to do with my life, myself, people around me, what can I do, what changes I can do to them. I am not really good at expressing myself when talking face to face, because when I see people, I tend more to talk about something that makes people happy, something that matters to them, and there’s where my happiness comes. If I do it the opposite way, telling my story face-to-face to the one I trust the most, and share the joys through alphabets, will it be better? Can anyone tell me? I am so much surprised by myself by my mood swing today, getting so upset at the end of the day, and yet so cheerful in the morning, if I happened not to tell that I am a guy, should someone be thinking I am actually undergoing some menstrual effect? I really need an answer.

But by doing this sometimes make me feel sarcastic, am I playing a clown to cheer people up, creating this fake illusion of transparent happiness on my face? Am I fooled by myself, thinking that making people happy is my true getaway for my real happiness? I have an answer for you, Jeff, yes. You really enjoy making people smile, making your friends laugh, when you see them smile, nothing can describe how happy it is inside. Most things work in two direction, if you can fit a ring into your finger, you can get it out ; if you are in a car, you can get out (okay, this is a stupid example ). What I really want to say is, I really hoping there is someone out there, is able to cheer me up this time, sharing joys with me, like how I always did in return.

This feeling inside me is not well organized, and so are all sentences in this post. I write what I feel and I say what I think, this could be one good reason if you are finding yourself having a hard time understanding what you are reading. I seldom lie (proud XD), I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I know I NEED to learn that this world is partly shrouded by lies, a world which I SHOULD NOT whole-heartedly believed in, which I tend to do so, alright, 99% of the time. (太單純了！) This is why I am so bad, so bad at acting, especially if you are trying to make me telling something I don’t really agree with. I am a little straight-forward in talking, sometimes words spurting out from my mouth without going through my brain, and I find this so stupid that sometimes I even started to hate myself, regretting of what I say which make people think otherwise. What if I hurt someone and yet still laughing out loud having no idea how bad is the thing I just did?

Just came back from a 3 days and 2 nights tour in Penang. Even though I appear exhausted, my soul is always alive, just like this blog, just like its name. I learnt a lot in this tour, learnt so much more that I expected.

My unique way of telling my story is by writing, through this blog, by my words.